Football Family

My family are into football. Infact my parents actually met through going to watch the football.

For years my dad and my sister have tried to get me into football, to get me to understand it. Very often my dad will tell me something football related and truthfully it just goes over my head. I just did not get it.

My sister played football while growing up and a few years ago got back into playing it. I used to go watch her play when i was not working. Now that i don’t working i make it to a lot more games.

At the beginning I had no clue! I knew you kicmed the ball and hoped to score, that is it! Truthfully, I do not actually know much more than that now, but i have at least learned to cheer when the right team scores!

Now i might not actually know much about the game itself, but i like going to the games and watching them. I like watching the team work and support for each other. I like the encouragement and the progress and achievements. I like watching the friendships and the bonding.

Now i am not part of the actual football team. However, i have received support from some of these ladies. I have received real encouragement. After one conversation with one of the team, i went from feeling completely useless to feeling more positive that things can change. I am included in the laughs and the nights out and team celebrations. They held a minute silence in honour of my nana when she died.

And that is so very important.

These ladies are kind to each other. They work hard at improving their own game. They work hard at improving as a team. They build each other up! They support one another. They celebrate birthdays, achievements, the good times. And they are there offering support and shoulders to cry on through the tough times. They seem to get that life is tough and it can throw a lot of curveballs. But they are kind to one another. And help build each other up. They get that we are all feeling our way through life.

I hope they all continue on this way.

I hope they know the impact that their support has on other people.

Also, they finished their season today with a 6-0 win and secured themselves the 3rd position in the league table! It was a great end to their season! Look at me knowing a few football terms!

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Happy World Smile Day!

Today is world smile day!! 🙂

A smile is such a powerful thing, it can change a person’s perspective and make their day better.

Some things that make me smile:

  • My family and my friends
  • My cat!
  • That feeling of music when you can feel it deep in your body.
  • Trees. I also like the way the branches look against the sky. There is something strong and beautiful with trees.
  • Beautiful scenery. Whether that be at a beach or in the country or even a town/city with beautiful landmarks.
  • Music. I love how music can make you feel. I love when there is a beautiful melody or harmonies. I like it all!
  • Weaving! That feeling of accomplishment when you finish a wee sample and you can look at it and go “I did that!”
  • Having a wee hot chocolate and catch up with my loved ones.
  • Watching some uplifting programmes. Netflix is a great tool to have on bad pain days!
  • Looking through photos and memories.
  • Wrapping up warm and cosy during those winter months.
  • Having a bath!

These are just a few things that make me smile. There are loads more. It is important to find what bring us joy. It brings a bit of light to hardships and dark times as we feel our way through life.

Sister, Sister

Earlier today I read an article entitled “Sibling Relationships Are Cradle To Grave” and it got me thinking about the relationship that I have with my own sister.

People who know me either personally know my sister or at least know of her. She is a huge part of my life. She is a lot more than a sister to me.

Kaitlyn and I have been close from a young age. Due to problems within the family setting, we stuck together young. It was, and still is, my wish to shield and protect Kaitlyn from everything that was being said and done around us. I remember just looking at what was going on between the adults and thinking that through it all I was going to be making sure that she was as safe as possible. That she knew she was not alone and had someone to help her, she had someone to talk to and could trust in all the crazy going on around us. This feeling has never left me. I would do anything for this little one!

As a result, if I was going out with friends, I would often bring Kaitlyn with me. Even in school, each of us could talk to the others friends at break time/lunch. I never thought this was strange. However, what I did find strange, was when people asked me about how I could spend so much time with my sister when all they did with their siblings was fight. I am glad to say that we have never had a period of time when all we have done was argue. We are human, and we can annoy the other but we have never had any proper arguments with negative outcomes or anything. I am very glad of this, I know that I am not the easiest of people to live with, especially on bad days.

Today, my friends are Kaitlyn’s friends too. If I am invited somewhere, there is an automatic invitation to Kaitlyn too. Which I love!

Kaitlyn is my sister. She is my protector. She is the person I go to in tears. She is the person I go to because I am happy. She is my friend, my best friend. My primary caregiver at times. She’s my rock. She has kept me going. She has been my carer… quite literally. She has helped me dress when I’ve been unable to myself. She has reached out to people and got me help and support that I needed. She has come with me to appointments, made sure I’ve taken my medication. She has been by my side through love, loss, heartache, good times, bad times.

Kaitlyn is one of the key people in my life, a key player in this journey. I am lucky to have such an amazing relationship with my sister, I cannot imagine it any other way. I hope and pray that we continue to be as close throughout life. I hope she knows just how much she means to me. There are no words strong enough to describe just how much love, respect and trust I have for her. I am so proud of her and the person that she is. She is so caring and resilient. She amazes me.

Relationships are tricky things, especially amongst family at times. I am blessed that to have such a good relationship with my sister. I know that not everybody is as lucky to have such an amazing relationship with a sibling. Treat each other with kindness and remember that everybody is just feeling their way through life.

Time To Talk

It has been a while since I have posted. I have been struggling over the last few weeks. Although today (a Thursday) is not the usual day I post (a Sunday) I felt it would be a good day to upload something as it is Time to talk day. Time to talk day is part of the time to change initiative aiming to end stigma that surrounds mental health.

Talking about mental health is important. Starting a conversation with a person can have a huge impact. Starting a conversation with a person can be a step towards spreading awareness or ending stigma. More importantly, it benefits the person you are listening to. There is some truth in the old saying, “a problem shared is a problem halved.” Starting a conversation can change a person’s whole world. That might sound like an exaggeration, but the smallest thing can make the biggest changes. Talking to a person about mental health can remind them that they are not alone, it can give them a new perspective, it could potentially give them reasons to live.

I used to hold in my feelings, bottle them up. I didn’t like talking to people about my ‘problems’. I have people in my family that encourage not telling people personal business. I’m sure the saying is something like, “you don’t want to air dirty underwear”, that has been passed around. Not only that, but the advice tends to be “just get on with it.”

 

I have learned that bottling up my feelings is not good for me. Pressure builds and as an outcome, I break. I think this is why I am fairly open about what is going on in my life now.

Don’t get me wrong, there is a lot that has happened in my life that is too painful to talk about at times. There are things that I do not want to talk about or don’t feel ready to talk about. All that being said, mental health is a thing that I fully believe should be spoken about. I know it’s hard. I know it’s hard to open up. I know the physical pain that can be felt from talking about things that you’ve pushed down deep. I know the confusion of trying to put feelings into words. I know the shame that can be felt from thoughts you have, reactions you have or the physical signs of what is going on.

However, I know I have people in my life who I can talk to. I know the people I can contact and talk to about anything, with no judgement only love and support. They might not fully understand what I am going through or what I am feeling, but they remind me I am not alone. They remind me of the good in the world and they provide me with hope. Hope that things can change. Hope that this feeling is not going to last forever. Hope for the future.

Find more information about the time to change campaign at https://www.time-to-change.org.uk/

No New Year New Me

It’s the start of January 2018. January is a month that people tend to start things – diets, plans, projects. A lot of the time its “New Year, New Me” that you hear being called out, everywhere.


Now I’m not saying I’m perfect, or don’t need to make changes in my life or lifestyle. That is the furthest thing from the truth. I just don’t buy into the “New Year New Me” ideology.


I understand it’s a new year. I understand that there’s already a mark of something new. I understand that the year ending and a new one beginning tends to make people reflect upon themselves, their year and their life. I just don’t think that the ‘old’ you disappears and you become this ‘new’ self. I think that you learn something new, try something new or make a change and then work through the potential challenges. I also think these changes become part of you rather than a full makeover.


The usual kind of resolutions are:

  • Go to the gym more/ Do more exercise

  • Eat less sugar/fatty food

  • Procrastinate less

  • Find a partner

  • To have our life sorted out

This is only a very small example of the usual kind of resolutions that people make. By the end of January new year resolutions have usually ‘failed’ or been forgotten about, usually until the year is ending and they are recycled again for the following year. It’s stressful.


I’ve said before that I am sure that everybody is just trying to feel their way through life and I still stand by that. I think these changes can be made at any time and not just new year and these changes and experience become part of you or play a part in making you who you are, and not magically turn you into a new person. I think that these changes are part of your growth and self development as a person. That being said I understand why, to a degree, that the phrase “New Year, New Me” is used. If people don’t like something about themselves or want to change something about themselves then they want it to disappear or instantly become different.


If I had to have a new year’s resolution, I guess it this:

I would like to continue on my journey of self development and growth. I would like to have a year full of love and laughter with my nearest and dearest and maintain my current relationships. I want to keep trying. I want to keep trying to see the good and positive aspects in situations, in people and in life.


The idea of completely changing myself is appealing in some ways but realistically I know that it’s not going to happen. All I can do is keep on. Keep on trying and keep on feeling my way through life.


*picture credit: I found the image on Google

Happy New Year 

The new year is fast approaching. It’s in 6 hours time in the UK at my time of typing this. I got a card from my best friend with a wee message in it and it is also my wish for all of you!

“I hope you have a 2018 that is filled with love, laughter, progress, happiness and good things!”

I hope the year ahead brings joy for you all and your loved ones. I hope you find progress in everything, whether that be health, savings, relationship problems, uni, college, school, work, that project you started. I hope that progress is made. I hope the year is full of rich experienced that will become memories that bring you joy forever. I wish you happiness, I wish you the ability to find the good in things and spread that happiness about. I hope you have a million reasons to smile. Wherever you are, however you are bringing in the new year, I wish you all the best for 2018.

Christmas Eve 2017

Today is Christmas Eve!

Christmas can be the ‘most wonderful time of the year.’ On the other hand, it can be a very difficult time for people. It is a time when loved ones are remembered, and their absence are most felt. It can be stressful trying to organise everything – get in or book a place for Christmas dinner, buying in gifts, wrapping the gifts, sending out the Christmas cards. People worry about their finances, can they afford buying presents, when will they have the money to go shopping? Some people put themselves into debt with trying to buy gifts for Christmas. It can be difficult. Dealing with a chronic condition on top of all these other stresses can be difficult. These extra stressors put extra strain on a person and can cause flare ups or make management of symptoms more difficult, which is not ideal. 

Sometimes, I think the meaning of Christmas has been lost. The Christmas spirit is a magical thing! It’s about spreading love, and cheer. It’s about helping people. It’s about seeing children’s faces light up at the magic of the season. It’s about family and friendship, and spending time with those loved ones. It is not about the material objects and the waste that can occur. It’s about the good deeds – making hampers for homeless people, visiting elderly people so they are not lonely, making an effort to help people, simply saying ‘hi’ to people, wishing them well.

The magic, and meaning of Christmas, can be brought about by being nice. Just try to be a decent human being. Treat people with respect. Help people, even if it is just to lend an ear and give them an opportunity to have somebody to talk to. Try not to make fast judgements of people and their situations. Just be nice! I really think it could be as easy as that. When I was in school, at assembly the head teacher would always say “treat others as you would like to be treated yourself.” It has been something that has always stuck with me and I have tried to live my life by. Yes, there are times I fail but I am human, and I’m just trying to feel my way through life.

I hope that everybody has a lovely Christmas time and gets to experience that magical, feeling. I hope everybody feels love, happiness and value.