My last blog post feels like it was a hundred years ago! Slight exaggeration… but it was quite a while ago.
I have said before, in a previous post, that I have been finding things difficult. That still stands!
In January this year, I began to attend counselling again. This was only a 6 session intervention. Around the same time I attended appointments (the initial assessment ended up being 3 appointments!) with a pain psychologist (which has led to further appointments). In these appointments I have been looking at my own behaviour, my past, trying relaxation and breathing exercises and been trying to find triggers for my anxiety as well as my pain amongst other things. At the moment, things feel muddled and my mood and pain levels are not good! I have been having more panic attacks and I felt like I have lost any form of being able to cope that I had managed to grasp onto. So I stopped blogging, I didn’t know what to write. I did not think that I had anything of meaning to share. I slipped into believing I was worthless, and could contribute nothing. Truthfully I stopped pretty much everything I was doing. I had no motivation. No energy. No interest in doing anything really.
That being said, I have continued to go to my appointments and I still am working on finding something that works for me. Finding a remedy to manage, or at least help manage, my condition.
I began to blog to try and work my way through my own journey with my mental health, through my fibromyalgia and through life struggles. I want my own story, my own experiences to be out there in the hope that it could potentially help somebody else. Even just to remind a person struggling that they are not alone. That they do not need to suffer alone. To know that it is ok to not be ok. It is ok to feel lost and not know what everything with themselves makes sense. To be a reminder that it is ok to reach out and ask for help. I really needed to remind myself of all this. I had to remind myself this multiple times and it has taken until now for me to put words down.
I needed these few months to try and focus on myself. To work through issues and try and practice some self care. The ironic thing is, me making this step to create a post again, is also a bit of self care. I think it is clear that I may need to take time out from blogging from time to time just to continue my journey and try and grow. As of now though, I am back! Back to put my experiences into the mix of what life with a chronic condition is like. Back to say that it is ok to take some ‘me’ time. It is ok to take time out when needed to recharge. I am going to continue to remind myself that I am enough. I have something to contribute, something of meaning. I am not worthless.
Be kind to people. You don’t know what struggles other people are going through. They will be just trying to feel their way through life the same as you are!