This subject is a bit ‘ta-poo’… 

OK, so I don’t really know how to start so I’m just going to take the plunge and dive right in with this one.

Nobody really wants to talk about bowel movements! (if you are somebody that finds it uncomfortable then I wouldn’t read any further.) It is something that has never bothered me though. I think it is because I used to be a support worker and had to help with personal care many times, to me it is ‘just one of those things’. In fact, at every work outing we had we always ended up talking about poo – even through dinner. I sometimes forget that it’s not a topic of conversation that is so readily accepted though, and I do admit that sometimes I probably should read the room a bit better at times. However, if somebody asks me how I am or what has been going on and I’m having particular bad digestive issues, I’m going to say so.

So recently, I’ve been having particularly bad digestive issues. It’s been hard. I’ve been sick, I’ve had diarrhoea and I’ve been constipated and it’s really frustrating. Not only is it completely inconvenient but I can’t seem to find any pattern to it. I am also suffering from really bad abdominal pain. It’s horrible. Truth be told, I was actually considering going to A&E earlier the pain was so bad.

Although I can’t find a pattern to try and see what is causing diarrhoea or sickness, one thing I have noticed is it seems to involve food. Not any specific food, just food in general. I feel like whenever I eat something, my body wants it to come out. Sometimes it wants it to come straight out! And, truthfully I don’t think it cares as to how it happens so long as it’s out. I have found that it is after I eat that I need the toilet, sometimes right after eating, sometimes a wee half hour after but I need to go. Sometimes after eating,I feel sick. Sometimes I am being physically sick. Again, often it is straight after food, sometimes I have some time. It’s a very strange sensation. There are times where it feels like food isn’t going down, as though I’m not swallowing it properly. It feels like it just goes to the back of my throat and sits there waiting for my body to make it exit.

So like any new or change to any symptom or my health I told my GP. I guess he has a few ideas of what it could be, or things he wanted ruled out. He said he wanted me back in a few days later for blood tests, a urine sample and a stool sample. I can’t even remember everything he was testing for – there was a list.

I found the whole experience a bit traumatic. I don’t like needles so getting blood taken is never an easy task for me. However, if I go in and look away I can usually deal with it. I tend to pick a point in the opposite wall and just stare at it. I hardly even talk to the nurse through it. I need to concentrate on that point that I’ve chosen. I have done urine samples before. I hate them. I swear I need to pee so often that it’s a running joke amongst my friends that I have a tiny bladder, we all say it’s “the size of a pea”. It is my experience though, that when I need to give a urine sample, my bladder gets stage fright. It always chooses those moments to be made of steel and I have to do the full drinking loads, and have all the taps on full to get even the tiniest trickle. The problem I had was the stool sample. I have never given a stool sample before and when I was in with the GP I was too busy trying to process everything he was saying to me to ask any of my questions. Actually, I didn’t even know I had questions until I got home and was telling my papa how my appointment went.

Just a sample of questions I had (and I feel they were important questions!):

1) How do you get your sample in the pot?

2) How ‘fresh’  does it have to be?

3) How much goes into the pot? Does it have to be full? If not, how much is enough?

4) What do I do if my bowel, like my bladder, gets stage fright as I had to fast for my blood test so it wasn’t like I could just go and eat foods to help you move? (Incidentally, it did decide it wasn’t going to go. It was a nightmare. I had diarrhoea and then it decided it was not going to go).

So like any question I have, I asked my nearest and dearest and then when that failed I asked Google. So just some of the answers I got…

I asked my papa how to do a sample. I figured, he is at the age where he has to give samples for bowel screening so I thought he could maybe help. His reply first of all was to “put it in the pot”. Once I explained to him that I knew that, I meant how did I get it in the pot he said “catch it”.

Google was more helpful. Google suggested using clingfilm over the toilet to catch it and then putting it in the sample pot. I actually fully recommend this method. It works a treat!

My sisters boyfriend told me I had to “fill that pot right to the top” because “they want all the poo”. Then him and my sister laughed for ages afterwards. I decided my silver lining was that at least they were amused.

Even though Google was great for the cling film technique, one bit of advice I didn’t like was it told me that the sample should be as “fresh” as possible and if I got the sample more than 24hours before I had to hand it in then I was to put it in the fridge. PUT IT IN THE FRIDGE!! That was 100% NOT happening. I don’t care what happened but no way was I putting a pot of poo in my fridge! No thank you! I would’ve wanted to incinerate the fridge afterwards. Plus all the food stuff in there?!? Nope! Just no! I decided my plan was just to hand in my urine sample and get my bloods done and hand the stool sample in at a different time if I had to. Anything was, and is, better than even the thought of putting it in the fridge.

So I found all this a bit traumatic but my family loved it. It has provided them with so much entertainment. It is perfect material for some of their senses of humour. And I love them for it! I am worried about what might be wrong with me, what might be found, will I need more tests? But I welcome the distraction from all the laughter that my family are providing from it.

I think it is important to talk about bowel movements sometimes, especially to medical professionals if something is wrong. It is one of those things that is a bit embarrassing so you’ll maybe not bring it up with someone but you totally should! It can be an indication that something is up. But also, those medical people are human too! They poop too!

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