“What are your hobbies? What do you enjoy to do?” These are questions that I have been asked a lot recently. Usually by a medical professional, scribbling down some notes or filling in some sort of medical assessment. I find it a really difficult question to answer. The answer is I don’t know. I really don’t remember. From experience, I can tell you people tend to look at you strangely if you give this answer, to what they deem simple questions.
For years now I have felt like I don’t know myself anymore. Truthfully, I don’t know if I have ever properly known myself. I guess as a twenty-something year old, it is now that I begin to know myself better. There are things that I used to like doing. There are things that I used to do. I just don’t really remember, or know, what they are. It is not just my diagnosis that has made me forget what I like doing, or hobbies. I don’t remember having hobbies for a long time now. I had exams at school then I went straight to university. While I attended university I worked. After I graduated I worked extra hours, or cared for my nana or had some appointment trying to find out my diagnosis. Then when I got injured, I found myself in so much pain, and so much less mobility I now cannot do activities and tasks at all.
I am now faced with a lot of spare time, as I am currently unfit for work. I don’t know what to do with my time. The most difficult version I was asked these questions, was when I was trying to set goals with the pain management physiotherapist. This was more difficult as the questions had an extra element to them. The physio wanted to know what I liked to do that we can set goals to build up to. I do not know what I want to build up to. I don’t know what I liked to do, I did not really have ‘me time’ to do things. Now I have too much time and I don’t know what I like doing, as well as not knowing what my body will do without screaming at me.
One thing I do know I like is spending time with friends! So this weekend, Hazel and I went to Comic Con. To be able to go, I made sure I had painkillers with me and I wore heat pads to try and dull down some of the pain. I have never attended Comic Con before. I have a bit of a fear of people dressed up. Well, if I can see the person’s face I am OK…. Unless that face is painted as a clown! Then I am ALWAYS afraid! I had a lot of worries when Hazel asked me if I wanted to go with her. However, I had a great time. There was so much things to see, that I didn’t know what to look at first.
Now, I am not saying that going to Comic Con is a ‘hobby’ I have. I did enjoy myself that day though, and it is something that I would attend again! Trying new things can be a great time. Exploring new activities means that you might find something you enjoy doing, or find new hobbies. Even if you know how you like to spend your time, finding new activities contribute to your growth and development.
Right now, I am telling myself that it is ok that I do not know what I like to do. It means that I can, hopefully, have fun as I explore options and find out, while getting to know myself. I am still fairly young, it is ok not to know myself completely. Everybody is just trying to feel their way through life anyway – I am no different.