I have been sitting staring at this screen for about an hour or so and it has remained blank that whole duration. I have decided to start a blog. I have been thinking about it for months now. Months!! I have had so many ideas going through my head that, if truth be told, I couldn’t keep up with them all! I had to find out how to start a blog which naturally brought about a whole new storm of thoughts, worries, insecurities and confusion into my already chaotic thought process. For months I have been saying to my sister and friends that I wanted to start a blog. Thus far all I was able to decide upon is, ‘I want to do a blog’. Any thoughts on specific themes or ideas I want to focus on? Nope. Any ideas on what site or platform that I wanted to use? Nope. Any ideas on how to actually get started? Nope, not a clue. Any idea on what to call my blog? I’m pretty sure you have probably guessed the answer already – no. After a few months of trying to figure out what to call my blog, while simultaneously looking into different sites to use, I finally came up with a name that I liked – Feeling Through Life. Of course now that I have decided a name and started a blog the new problem is writing my first post. How does this happen? Do I dive straight in and start writing about something serious? Politics maybe? Current affairs? No, No, No. My busy brain wants to stay clear of that for the time being. Do I start with writing about something personal? Maybe something about my family? My friends? My favourite colour, even? No, this doesn’t feel right either. Then it occurred to me, just make an introduction – give a rough idea who I am, give a rough idea on why I want to blog and see where that takes me. As you can see, my page did not stay blank after that.
The short answer here is, I want some sort of outlet. I tend to feel too much and that has a knock on effect on my health. I have fibromyalgia and G.A.D. (Generalized Anxiety Disorder) and my emotions and thoughts can exasperate symptoms of my conditions. A while ago, somebody suggested blogging to me and at the time I didn’t give it much thought. However, I have now been thinking about it, a lot. Why not try it out? It could provide me with an outlet, a way to empty my emotional bucket. It could maybe be a way for me to sort out my thoughts, to make them meaningful or to make sense of them. Maybe in doing so my journey, my thoughts or experiences will help somebody else. It could provide someone with an answer, an insight or even just let somebody know that they are not alone. I have hope that blogging, for me, will be a positive experience.
Why Feeling Through Life?
Well, this is because, as I said above I tend to feel too much. I am quite an emotional person and my anxiety only amplifies this. I also tend to ‘feel’ too much in an environment. My senses pick up on something and it can cause my mind to go spiralling out of control or make me feel ill. Also, the most common symptom of fibromyalgia is widespread pain and boy do I feel that! These moments can seem like the whole world is upside down, back to front and inside out. My conditions are a large part of my life. They are helping sculpt out who I am, and the person I am going to be. That being said, I do not want to be defined by my conditions. I am not my fibromyalgia or my anxiety! I am Sarah, and I just so happen to have these conditions. Like everybody else I am just trying to live, and be the best person that I can be. When I was young, I thought that adults have got everything worked out, and know what they are doing. They know exactly what they want and know exactly how to do it. I have since learned that is not the case. People are just try their best to find what works for them and what doesn’t. They may plan their lives, but things change and life does not always go the desired route. Everybody is taking things as they come and then trying to make the best of it. This is exactly what I am doing. I am trying to feel my way through this life, through these muddled thoughts and just live it the best way I can.